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| How to start over |
1. Your Personality Isn’t Permanent
In his book, Personality Isn’t
Permanent, Dr. Benjamin Hardy argues that you can improve yourself anytime
and anywhere. Your personality has changed a ton over the years. Think about your
personality at the age of three. You don’t run around the house shirtless and
in diapers anymore.
As you gain more life experience,
interact with different people, battle your way through hardships, fall in
love, have kids, or even change jobs, you change so much. New
experiences, overcoming obstacles, and forged paths are constantly
being explored which causes you to grow.
Science says people become
happier as they get older and it’s likely because they finally figure
out what matters in life. And so if you’re looking to discover how to start
over, just know that you can get a fresh start this very second if you decide
to. You don’t need a big moment of clarity or an aha moment to
get started. The power lies in your next move. Are you ready to take that first
step to a new you?
2. Start living
As you discover how to start over, the
key is to realize you need to start living a fulfilling life. You’re not the
same person you once were. This is your time to develop new habits, especially good habits, live happily, and get out of your comfort
zone. You needed a clean break from your past life. This is it. To move
forward, think of doing all the things that would make you happy. Maybe that’s
dancing in the kitchen before dinner. Or going for long mindful walks in
the fresh outdoors. Or traveling the world if you’re a big dreamer. Whatever
it is, make it happen. Reality doesn’t need to be mundane or depressing. You
can have everything you desire. You just need to level yourself up and build
towards it. So come up with a new plan for the next chapter you write. And
build towards your long-term goal of living life.
3. Make One Small Habit Change
Believe it or not, but one small habit change
can completely change your life. Just over a year ago, I was the most miserable
person you could ever find. Then, one day on my honeymoon, I made a sweeping
declaration. For the rest of my life, I was going to do one good deed a
day. No matter what. Forever.
How did that one good deed spiral into
other habits naturally? Well, after that declaration, I started reading books
about kindness, compassion, and the human brain. I started noticing that I
wasn’t actually the only miserable person around me. A lot of people were
suffering and struggling through life but I was so busy chatting away in my
head 24-7 I didn’t notice. Shortly afterward, I met the most optimistic person
I’ve ever met in my entire life. I used to hate optimistic people calling them
unrealistic and delusion. But for the first time, I became intrigued by
optimism and started reading books about that too.
Within a few months, family members and
friends were noticing how much I had changed. People were praising how
optimistic and positive I was all the time. And it was shocking. I had done a
complete 180 simply by doing an act of kindness daily. I never
could’ve planned all the things that would’ve spiraled from that one action.
And that’s why you only need to pick one habit to start over because the rest
will naturally follow.
4. Give Yourself Permission to Change
When deciding to start over, you need
to give yourself permission to make that change. That means accepting that the
old you aren’t the best you. It also means killing aspects of the person you are
right now. In the beginning, your brain will totally ask you, “What are you
doing? This isn’t you.” And you’ll need to know how to silence those thoughts.
You might feel guilty or find it challenging to let some bad habits fall
by the wayside. But ultimately, to start over, you’re going to have to make a
switch towards a better version of yourself. You need to let go of old habits
that just haven’t been working for you. This newer version of yourself is what
will make you happier, healthier, and a better person. So don’t listen to
thoughts that surface about how you’re betraying yourself. Deep down, you know
it’s time for a change. And in the future, you will be grateful for the
changes you start making today.
5. Live a simple life
The more we have in our life, the more
we hate our lives. Having the essentials is important. You need clean water,
shelter, and a solid relationship to keep things peaceful. But that
relationship doesn’t need to be romantic. Friends count too, you know. As you
learn how to start over, remember that minimalism keeps things steady. The more
stuff you have, the less money you have. Your new life should be about
improving everything that was wrong with your old life. You might change your
physical space or your own apartment. There’s no need to feel stuck with this
fresh start. So carefully think about the essentials, exact steps, and what you
really need out of a happy life. Talk to someone who is happy and
ask them what helped them get there. The answer is a lot simpler than you
think. Get to the point where you don’t need to impress an ex or a rival with
your new life. You’ve gotten a clean break from them, it’s time to see the
world with a bit more hope.
6. Change Your Environment
Our habits are often tied to our
environment. So, if you’re looking to finally figure out how to start over, you
might start with a change in environment. Now, sometimes that’s not possible.
If you’re married with kids, you shouldn’t abandon your family by running off
to a new environment. You totally can start over in life even while keeping the
people you love in your life. Remember, you’re making positive changes. So, how
can you change your environment without moving out? You might spend less time
with people who add stress to your life. If they’re related to you, maybe
minimize the time spent with them slowly so you can regain your footing. You
might change your environment, by carving out a new space in your home for
yourself. Maybe you create a room that inspires you. My home office has
kindness posters all over it. I add sticky notes of personal goals on my
computer monitor. I add a Kindle on my nightstand to encourage my reading habit
so I see it daily every time I turn on my bedside lamp. Maybe throw in a few
plants to bring more life into your environment. It’s subtle but it works.
7. Meet New People
If you’re looking for a fresh start,
consider meeting new people. Look for places where you can find
people who share the same new goals as you, similar interests, or who embody
the values and lifestyle you’re hoping to attain for yourself. There’s
literally a Facebook group for every interest you can imagine. So you can meet
people very easily on social media. You can also join meet up or networking
events, join clubs, volunteer at specific charities, or just spend more time
talking to strangers. By interacting and mingling with new people, you can
practice your new identity with others who know nothing about your past. This
identity practice will help you determine if the person you’re becoming is
something that others respond well to. It’ll also help you firm up that
identity a bit so you can start making the change. After all, once you start
acting like a new person, you now become that type of person. So
congratulations, you’ve officially taken the first step through your actions.
8. Get into a long-term relationship
Not everyone will find happiness in a
relationship. Some people are happiest being lone wolves. However, that doesn’t
mean that there isn’t a perfect person for you. As you start over in life,
being with the right person who will accept you, listen, and also give you
space when you need it is key. Find someone with the same values as you, such
as being an honest person, or being on the right track in life. Creating a life
with someone isn’t as difficult as a tough job. The idea of making a life with
someone is part of a good plan. Don’t let a toxic ex trick you
into thinking everyone sucks. When it does happen, you wouldn’t want to trade
it for the world. If you start out as friends, you’ll get to know people
deeper.
9. Accept What You Can’t Change
So, let’s be clear: your past is
unchangeable. If something unpleasant surfaces back up, you either need to own
it, apologize for it, and prevent yourself from making that same mistake again.
While your past can’t be changed, the great benefit is that you can learn from
all your past experiences. Often, the biggest cause of bad decisions in our past
is those wonky little thoughts streaming through our minds. Learning how to
control your thoughts will help prevent you from continually going back to your
old self. However, while you can’t change the past, you’ve got full control
over your future. So, making the decision to start over and get a fresh start is
all within your domain. What’s your next move?
10. Apologize to People From Your Past
To fully complete the process of
starting over, you’ll eventually need to go back and face your past. I know
there may be a few people that you wish to never see or interact with again.
But sometimes, to move on, we need to have the uncomfortable conversations we
don’t want to have to move forward. Otherwise, those parts of our past can
continue to resurface and possibly cause us to go back to our old ways. Now,
we’re not saying you need to apologize the second you decide to start over. It
would likely be insincere as you’re still in the early changes of growth. But there
will be a moment when you’ve grown so far beyond your past that you feel that
it’s time to make amends for your past mistakes and any hurt you’ve caused
others.
11. Think About Your New Goals
When we don’t have solid goals driving
us, we tend to drift in all sorts of directions never making progress on
anything. Aim to have one big goal that drives all your thoughts. For example,
if you’re looking to change bad behavior, your big goal might be to make other
people happy every day. And so every day, that goal drives you. Throughout the
day, you look for opportunities to achieve that goal. With the focus of one
clear goal driving your day, you’ll slowly notice that all the negative
thoughts that brought out the worst in you instantly disappear because
now you’re focused on something positive. You might choose to have 3-4
secondary goals but aim to have one big one that captures the biggest focus of
your day and that truly motivates you to get your fresh start.
12. Jump Over Any Obstacles
You will never be able to remove
obstacles. They’re always going to exist in life’s journey. So, instead of
doing the impossible and getting rid of them, do the next best thing by jumping
over them. If someone tells you that “you’ll never change” nod politely but
ultimately ignore that kind of negativity. You won’t gain anything by arguing
about it. If people tell you your goals are too ambitious, train harder and
stay committed. Don’t ever allow yourself to become distracted by the naysayers
or skeptics on your new path of starting over. You can accomplish anything you
set your mind to, no matter what anyone says. The crazier your goals or
behavior changes, the more skepticism it’ll draw. One day, those closest to you
will see how your determination led you down the path of success to a new
better, stronger, and kinder you. Your future self will inspire those around
you who didn’t think you can start over.
13. Consume New Content
The content we consume each day can
often seep into our lives. If we read conspiracy theories on the internet,
we’re more likely to be paranoid, skeptical, and anxious. Those who spend time
watching viral videos about kindness or good deeds are more likely to do good
deeds. People who watch fitness and diet content are likely to make changes
in their health. Ultimately, if you want to make a big life change, you
should consider changing your social algorithms by browsing different hashtags,
websites, and groups. The more you obsess about the traits and qualities of the
2.0 version of yourself, the more likely it is that you’ll become that person.
So spend some time investing in the content, future you would consume.
14. Find A Support Buddy
This might be a mentor, a guide, a
friend, a spouse, a counselor, or a parent. Ultimately, finding someone who
supports the change you’re embarking on is the person who will keep you
accountable when you lose focus, when it gets tough, or when you feel like
quitting. You’re fully capable of starting over on your own, but there is one
big perk to having a support buddy. You can schedule a call with them every two
weeks to talk about your progress toward your changes. By reporting your
progress or challenges on your fresh start journey, you have someone keeping
you accountable to help ensure that you commit to this big goal you’ve set for
yourself. It’s that extra push that’ll drive long-term success. Be sure to pick
someone who will be insanely supportive and uplifting for you, even when you
temporarily move one step back. If the person knows how to communicate with you
in an encouraging way, you’ll be able to get back on track faster if they’ve
been supportive in the past.
15. Practice Meditation
One of the best tactics to help you
start over is to practice meditation. Meditation is all about
mastering the mental game. Prior to getting a fresh start, our lives likely
weren’t where we wanted them to be. Often, there are hints of depression,
anxiety, or other challenging emotions that are difficult to
cope with. But the one thing that always destroys us when we’re down is our
own thoughts. With daily guided meditation practice, we
start to train our minds to become more aware of when thoughts are leading us
astray. Meditation helps us become more mindful of our thoughts, feelings, and
actions. And when starting over, you’ll want to ensure that your mind is strong
enough to keep you at your best.
16. Make Someone’s Day
When you really need a fresh start, a
simple practice to try is making someone’s day every day. While meditation gets
you in the right mindset to live mindfully, you need to step it up to the next
level by following through with action. Every day, look for opportunities to
make people feel happy, special, valued, praised, and loved. If you commit to
doing that action every single day for the rest of your life, you’ll be able to
minimize negative thoughts and rebuild yourself in countless ways. When life
throws curve balls your way, instead of obsessively thinking “What is wrong
with me“, you’ll be focused on how you can make this moment better for
someone else. Believe it or not, the happiest people rarely think of themselves
because they’re too busy helping others. And thus, they’re out there just
living. Which is exactly what the future you need to be doing too. Live
kindly.
17. Make A Vision Board
In your new life, it’s time to know how
to start over. That’s why vision boards are so important. It’s hard to live
life and not write down your plans. Look at your reality. Then, create a board
of what you want that reality to become. Spend a week or even a couple hours thinking about your ideal future. Begin by cutting out pictures, quotes, and other
ideas of what you want. Think about your values. Post the vision board in a
blank space on your wall. Starting over in life isn’t hard, you just need some
time to seriously think about your new life first.
Conclusion
You officially learned how to start
over with 17 different ways to get your fresh start and new life. A meditation
practice will help you think happy thoughts and encourage
being kind towards others will be the action that leads you to a better life.
You’ll want to make sure you have a good support system in place to keep you
accountable on your journey. And while you might face some obstacles, there’s
nothing you can’t handle. Your personality isn’t permanent and you can alter
absolutely any aspect of your life right now to become the best version of
yourself. So no matter what you learn about how to start over, know your new
life is only a few habits away.
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